Story Hangover Thoughts: 101 Dalmatian Street

 An Open Letter to: Cruella DeVile. 

I don't care if you don't care to read this, you still deserve to be lectured.

I cannot be the only one wondering how you expect to wear a fur coat made of puppies. Nobody wears fur anymore because we now care about the lives of innocent animals, and that would get you arrested for grand theft puppy in 101 seconds flat! 

The newest Dalmatian generation from 101 Dalmatian Street, Pongo and Perdita’s great-great-granddaughter, Delilah and her husband, Doug have had their run-in with you too. And no, this time you had nothing to do with them having ninety-nine kids. Doug and Delilah each had fifteen from previous marriages, then had fifteen more together and adopted the other fifty-four. 

Their two oldest, Dylan and Dolly, helped defeat you this time, Doug and Delilah were so proud of them.

(As per their request, I've enclosed the £16,000 bill for their pet therapy appointments along with the cost of repairing Dawkins' Princess Positron doll and any other damage sustained to their property with this letter because the judge says you have to pay for it and has garnished any form income until it's fully paid off as a part of your sentence. If you're curious, that's equivalent to $21,764.80 American dollars).

 FUN FACT: "Garnished income/wages" means that a portion of your income goes to the Dalmatian family.

 Your grandnephew, Hunter, switched sides the moment he figured out that a fur coat meant killing the dogs. He had the same innocent misconception I did when I was little.

You know how you can relatively painlessly shear off a sheep's wool and then it grows back? Hunter had genuinely thought that you could simply shave off the fur of any animal and then it would just grow back. I don't blame him. I remember how traumatized I was when I found out that it is NOT like that at all. I never thought I’d say this about a relation of Cruella DeVile, but I’m really proud of him. 

Which brings me to another question. What happened to Hunter’s parents since he seems to live with you and why can he understand the dogs? (We'll never know now, thanks to the series' cancellation). And where is he supposed to live now? You're probably incarcerated for basically the rest of your life this time, since by now, you must be at least in your late eighties and you're a smoker and no jury is going to find you innocent.

 Although, there’s definitely no question as to why Hunter owned a hairless cat. (Obviously because nobody would be stupid enough to leave you alone with any furry animal). Cuddles could spy on the Dalmatians all he wanted since Dylan’s cat allergy (yes, I know), wouldn’t be triggered if the cat doesn’t have any hair. (Cuddles left Hunter after the latter switched sides). 

I think Doug and Delilah Dalmatian are the hardest working parents in London! They work full-time as a nurse and a firefighter and still manage to make time for ninety-nine kids. Even if their methods of getting out the door are a little old-fashioned. Delilah once insisted on giving everyone a health check before going to the park to play in the snow. One at a time. Very slowly. Yes, that took forever. In fact, by the time they got there, they ended up sledding in the mud because the snow had melted. 

The reason they work so hard is because their human left the house to them in her will. Even though they have a plethora of homemade gadgets created by gadgeteer pup Dawkins to do things like dispense kibble into their dog bowls and throw balls, they still have to pay for the utilities. Destiny, Dallas and Déjà Vu, a set of identical triplets with a flair for acting do commercials to help with the expenses, since nobody can resist a product endorsed by adorable puppies! No questions there.