Book Hangover Thoughts: The Forgotten Family
The Forgotten Family by Meryl Matthews really made me think.
In this story, a wealthy couple with fertility problems during the late 1800s did what many people in that situation typically do. They decided to adopt. In this case, a two-year-old girl from the slums. (Fun Fact, that was what poorer neighborhoods were referred to at the time).
Now, the Bonners actually had a decent reason to give up their youngest. Not just because she was an unplanned pregnancy, which she likely was, since with two drunkard parents who couldn’t be bothered with any kind of improvement that didn’t instantly increase their finances, another baby was the last thing needed. Neither of her birth parents had any real interest in having a family, which is why the kids basically raised themselves, and very well I may add. Queenie was only thirty months old, and very eloquent for her age, given the circumstances, and able to physically and verbally assert herself, and they made it clear that they didn’t want her, seeing as they had no qualms about the decision, displayed little to no affection to any of their children, and were on the cusp of losing everything and ending up in the workhouse, so when they saw an opportunity to lighten their load, they took it. Hence the reason I’m fairly certain she was an accident.
The Warrenders have been desperately trying to have children, but they have the worst luck. They’ve lost three consecutive pregnancies, so they’ve decided to adopt, and as the process of adopting a baby by traditional means is taking too long, which is actually done for a good reason. It’s to confirm the identities of the adopting parents and ensure the adoptee’s safety and wellbeing. Mrs. Warrender, who I think might be going through Postpartum Depression, can’t wait any longer, and has recruited her brother, who is a lawyer, to arrange an atypical form of adoption.
Mr. Warrender, who hadn’t known about his wife’s plan until he’d met their daughter, agreed to keep the girl because her parents obviously didn’t want her and if they sent her back, they’d just try to sell her again, and both the Warrenders did want her and would be able to give her a better life. At least he bonded with his new daughter very quickly.
The first night, Queenie refused to sleep, even after the customary bedtime story and kiss goodnight, because until then, she’d never had her own room or bed and was scared to be alone in the nursery. Mr. Warrender’s solution was to have extra pillows added to the bed to make it seem less empty, which worked, as she was able to fall asleep after he managed to calm her down. He even tucked her back in. Which was sweet.
After that incident, he demanded his brother-in-law expedite the paperwork to make the adoption officially legal as soon as possible so no one could take Queenie, or Eleanor, as his wife had insisted on renaming her, away from them, as she was clearly terrified and he didn’t want her traumatized any further.
When the Bonners signed the forms that legally waived their rights to her and everything, it was official. Frankly, I’d be surprised if they could even read said paperwork, since they clearly weren’t the sharpest tools in the box. Not because they’re from a less wealthy neighborhood, but because they’re the kind of people who, to put this nicely because being thought of as biased also gives me anxiety, are too lazy to bother with any kind of improvement. Self, social, or otherwise, and think that everyone else’s standards and common sense are set too high, and I think they might also have drunk themselves out of their minds. I mean that literally because,
(Fun Fact, excessive alcohol consumption has been known to damage brain cells. So, I have no problem with a two-year-old being removed from that type of environment before any real damage could happen). Seriously, they didn’t even bother with an outhouse even though they had no source of indoor plumbing. At least two is still an appropriate age for potty-training, so she'd eventually go through it anyway. The issue is the method of the custody revoke. If the Warrenders wanted children so badly, why not just take all of the Bonner children? Then they'd have as many kids as they wanted, and they'd be helping someone. They live in a huge estate; they can afford it.
As a young adult, Eleanor, or Ellie, who thankfully grew up to be a well-adjusted teenager happily living with a loving family, was informed of her by now long forgotten background after her mother’s death. Her father allowed her to trace her dysfunctional biological family, which had apparently officially fallen apart after she’d gone. The Bonner parents still wanted nothing to do with her or any of their other children, Eleanor reassured her adoptive father that she was very grateful that he and her mother had adopted her and that she wanted nothing more to do with her birth parents. So, the Warrenders’ fear of their daughter no longer considering them her parents was unfounded. At least they found 8/9 of her birth siblings, who were more than relieved to know their baby sister was alive and well with a loving family. Actually, 5/9 of them were. They couldn’t find the one who didn’t want to be found anyway, and two others had passed away, but still, it was a nice reunion.
The twist in the situation is that the trigger is not only the Bonners having no trouble
giving up one of their children to strangers, despite how upset their nine older kids were, especially because they didn’t tell them about this until the day of, not to mention how scared Queenie was, (she actually managed to bite her adoptive uncle hard enough to draw blood), but that they actually charged the Warrenders five guineas for her. Yes, they essentially sold custody of their two-year-old daughter to a strange couple, which led to loss of contact with their remaining children because this had basically confirmed that they were unwanted, for less than one American dollar.
(Fun Fact, five guineas is equal to $0.00058. Yes, they told her that part about her adoption too).
Which reminds me, Ms. Matthews, did the Bonners even mean to have children in the first place or were the majority of them accidental pregnancies?
I know the Bonners made it clear that they didn’t want her, but that’s just cruel. Which Mr. Warrender entirely agreed. Especially when the Warrenders’ nanny, in a well-meaning attempt to calm the hysterically crying child down when she first arrived, told her the truth. That the Warrenders took her in because her birth parents gave her away because they didn’t want another mouth to feed, so she couldn’t go back. Which definitely didn’t help for obvious reasons. Like I said, she was very eloquent for her age.
In this story, a wealthy couple with fertility problems during the late 1800s did what many people in that situation typically do. They decided to adopt. In this case, a two-year-old girl from the slums. (Fun Fact, that was what poorer neighborhoods were referred to at the time).
Now, the Bonners actually had a decent reason to give up their youngest. Not just because she was an unplanned pregnancy, which she likely was, since with two drunkard parents who couldn’t be bothered with any kind of improvement that didn’t instantly increase their finances, another baby was the last thing needed. Neither of her birth parents had any real interest in having a family, which is why the kids basically raised themselves, and very well I may add. Queenie was only thirty months old, and very eloquent for her age, given the circumstances, and able to physically and verbally assert herself, and they made it clear that they didn’t want her, seeing as they had no qualms about the decision, displayed little to no affection to any of their children, and were on the cusp of losing everything and ending up in the workhouse, so when they saw an opportunity to lighten their load, they took it. Hence the reason I’m fairly certain she was an accident.
The Warrenders have been desperately trying to have children, but they have the worst luck. They’ve lost three consecutive pregnancies, so they’ve decided to adopt, and as the process of adopting a baby by traditional means is taking too long, which is actually done for a good reason. It’s to confirm the identities of the adopting parents and ensure the adoptee’s safety and wellbeing. Mrs. Warrender, who I think might be going through Postpartum Depression, can’t wait any longer, and has recruited her brother, who is a lawyer, to arrange an atypical form of adoption.
Mr. Warrender, who hadn’t known about his wife’s plan until he’d met their daughter, agreed to keep the girl because her parents obviously didn’t want her and if they sent her back, they’d just try to sell her again, and both the Warrenders did want her and would be able to give her a better life. At least he bonded with his new daughter very quickly.
The first night, Queenie refused to sleep, even after the customary bedtime story and kiss goodnight, because until then, she’d never had her own room or bed and was scared to be alone in the nursery. Mr. Warrender’s solution was to have extra pillows added to the bed to make it seem less empty, which worked, as she was able to fall asleep after he managed to calm her down. He even tucked her back in. Which was sweet.
After that incident, he demanded his brother-in-law expedite the paperwork to make the adoption officially legal as soon as possible so no one could take Queenie, or Eleanor, as his wife had insisted on renaming her, away from them, as she was clearly terrified and he didn’t want her traumatized any further.
When the Bonners signed the forms that legally waived their rights to her and everything, it was official. Frankly, I’d be surprised if they could even read said paperwork, since they clearly weren’t the sharpest tools in the box. Not because they’re from a less wealthy neighborhood, but because they’re the kind of people who, to put this nicely because being thought of as biased also gives me anxiety, are too lazy to bother with any kind of improvement. Self, social, or otherwise, and think that everyone else’s standards and common sense are set too high, and I think they might also have drunk themselves out of their minds. I mean that literally because,
(Fun Fact, excessive alcohol consumption has been known to damage brain cells. So, I have no problem with a two-year-old being removed from that type of environment before any real damage could happen). Seriously, they didn’t even bother with an outhouse even though they had no source of indoor plumbing. At least two is still an appropriate age for potty-training, so she'd eventually go through it anyway. The issue is the method of the custody revoke. If the Warrenders wanted children so badly, why not just take all of the Bonner children? Then they'd have as many kids as they wanted, and they'd be helping someone. They live in a huge estate; they can afford it.
As a young adult, Eleanor, or Ellie, who thankfully grew up to be a well-adjusted teenager happily living with a loving family, was informed of her by now long forgotten background after her mother’s death. Her father allowed her to trace her dysfunctional biological family, which had apparently officially fallen apart after she’d gone. The Bonner parents still wanted nothing to do with her or any of their other children, Eleanor reassured her adoptive father that she was very grateful that he and her mother had adopted her and that she wanted nothing more to do with her birth parents. So, the Warrenders’ fear of their daughter no longer considering them her parents was unfounded. At least they found 8/9 of her birth siblings, who were more than relieved to know their baby sister was alive and well with a loving family. Actually, 5/9 of them were. They couldn’t find the one who didn’t want to be found anyway, and two others had passed away, but still, it was a nice reunion.
The twist in the situation is that the trigger is not only the Bonners having no trouble
giving up one of their children to strangers, despite how upset their nine older kids were, especially because they didn’t tell them about this until the day of, not to mention how scared Queenie was, (she actually managed to bite her adoptive uncle hard enough to draw blood), but that they actually charged the Warrenders five guineas for her. Yes, they essentially sold custody of their two-year-old daughter to a strange couple, which led to loss of contact with their remaining children because this had basically confirmed that they were unwanted, for less than one American dollar.
(Fun Fact, five guineas is equal to $0.00058. Yes, they told her that part about her adoption too).
Which reminds me, Ms. Matthews, did the Bonners even mean to have children in the first place or were the majority of them accidental pregnancies?
I know the Bonners made it clear that they didn’t want her, but that’s just cruel. Which Mr. Warrender entirely agreed. Especially when the Warrenders’ nanny, in a well-meaning attempt to calm the hysterically crying child down when she first arrived, told her the truth. That the Warrenders took her in because her birth parents gave her away because they didn’t want another mouth to feed, so she couldn’t go back. Which definitely didn’t help for obvious reasons. Like I said, she was very eloquent for her age.
If you’re going to adopt a baby, at least let them know they’re adopted before adulthood. Yes, there’s a chance they’ll be upset about it, but the sooner the truth is revealed, the easier the acceptance is. It gives them time to understand the situation and acknowledge that the word “family” has a much more complex meaning than simply being biologically related. It involves genuine love and care for each other. Families are formed through the heart, not through the blood.
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